As you should know by now, the queen of the Geordie’s Cheryl Cole is to return to the X-Factor this year. Simon has reportedly won her back offering a £1.5million pay check, not too bad for a desk job, right? A little steep, I have compiled a list of 5 things you can buy for £1.5million that would most likely be more useful than our Chezza.

Posh Loo Roll
At a scary £6 per roll, the coloured loo roll by Renova is said to be Simon’s favourite. Did you know you could get yourself a crazy 250,000 rolls of the stuff for £1.5mil – Simon surely regrets not taking that offer?! That’s a lorra lorra loo roll.

Stash Your Balls


When you think of Tiffany what do you think? Expensive presents! Well, why not get yourself the Tiffany Tennis Ball Can? It does what it says on the tin (pardon the pun). However you’ll have to buy your own balls because they aren’t included! The can costs £1500 so you and 999 other friends can be totes envied by other posho’s.

Park Your Bum

We all like a good comfy toilet seat, I would hope. And decorative ones are even better, no I am not talking about tacky, remember, we’re being sophisticated. At £250 you can get yourself a carbon fibre loo seat for every room of the house (6000 of them to be precise).

It’s Raining Money


For all those rain showers that happen when you’re out and about why don’t you get yourself and your friends some Croc Skin Umbrellas? Surely it makes sense. At a breathtaking £50,000 a piece, only your 29 closest chums will join you in the elite gaggle of posh brollies.

Cash To Spare


With all that critique Simon surely needs a nice pen to write with? And for such an extravagant man comes an extravagant pen, the worlds most expensive pen is covered in 30 carats and comes in at a rather cheap £1,470,600 – perhaps I’ll stick to Bic pens…

One thing you couldn’t buy.

Whilst Si has pockets bulging with cash, he simply would not be able to afford the piano used in the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony, which was auctioned off for $3.22million - Dannii Minogue may also be out of his price range.  


Hello! I'm Sam Squire - I am a UK industry recognised mens style and lifestyle blogger from imsamsquire.com